Ignore by RE

A tornado of feelings meant to be shared.

Scraping, pushing, against my heart.

Twisting in ways unimaginable to my mind.

Telling me to let it free.

I push it to the back of my mind and let it roam in the jail of my brain.

It breaks free and runs to my mouth and tries to force its way out.

I try to think of things to scare it away but fail just making it stronger.

I try to push it to the abyss of my mind but just add more feelings to it.

Now it only screams one word: Hate.

It runs around like a toddler that learned a new word screaming it: Hate. Hate. Hate.

I don't want to let the feelings go but I feel like I have to.

It pushes its way down to my stomach and jumps around like it's in a bounce house.

I tell myself it needs to be freed but I don't want to do it.

I have to let it free.

It's wreaking havoc everywhere.

No. I can't.

I try one last time to push it away.

I gather my strength to try and push it to the depths of my mind.

I succeed, but I fail to fully trap it.

I leave it roaming around and collecting new emotions letting it grow bigger and stronger.

I feel down, thinking I failed and I'm worthless or it's unstoppable.

That only encourages it more.

Now it's running around with more negative feelings screaming discouraging words.

Now the only thing in my head is: that I'm not good enough.

Because I'm not.

I'm just a kid who isn't strong enough or powerful enough or good enough.

This just encourages it more.

I know I can't let it get out of control but I think: What if I do?

I shake my head and tell myself to focus.

I lose focus when I hear it running around with new words.

I tell myself to ignore it and get rid of it.

So, I do.

I tune out and focus on the real world, not what it's doing,

I feel it shrinking smaller and smaller.

I realize all it wanted was attention.

I should have just ignored it.